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I purchased Satan in a Warehouse Stationery just long ago enough for the warranty to have expired. I remember the day well. There was a strange voice in my mind. It whispered to me, seductively. It said, "Buy this HP OfficeJet Pro 7740 instead of the slightly more expensive printer you came here to get."
I knew who it was. "Get behind me, Satan," I said. "I've heard HP printers are terrible." "It's on sssale," Satan hissed.
I bought the printer.
Once I got home I realised the printer was Satan. The devil had wormed his way into my previously happy life. It mangled and distorted precious photographic memories. I spent literal ages floundering around in Satan's sadistic guts, trying to pull my mind free.
"PAPER ERROR," laughed Satan. I prayed, pleaded, wept. Satan mocked me. He forced me to download the HP Smart App. "PAPER JAM IN TRAY 2" Satan cackled.
I found myself tumbling through a maelstrom of unfinished print jobs and wildly unhelpful HP help pages, filled with the anguished screams of ignored customers. I tried to get someone to exorcise the demon. The Catholics hung up on me. The Mormons ran away screaming. City Impact and Destiny listened until they worked out there was no money in it for them and then they hung up too. Eventually an ancient shaman told me the only way to get rid of Satan was to pass the curse on to someone else.
So: HP printer. Going cheap, must sell. Doesn't possess the ability to print anything but may or may not possess you. Useless for any intended task but might come in handy for being burned in a ceremony. It has full ink cartridges which might actually be worth something? I don't care anymore. Please help me.
Update: Good news everyone! Since lots of people want to buy a cursed printer, I'm helping thwart Satan's evil plans by donating to help animals affected by the Australian bushfires. All proceeds from this auction will be donated to WIRES, the Australian Wildlife Rescue organisation, and Wildlife Victoria
Shipping & pick-up options
|Destination & description||Price|
|Buyer must pick-up from Auckland City, Auckland||Free|
This seller is located in Auckland City, Auckland
Pay instantly by card, Ping balance or saved bank account.
Cash, NZ Bank Deposit
Questions & Answers (156)
Et quod duplex postesque faciam codices mss? Vellem autem esse possit salvum charta. benjo-topia(0• 07:50 am, Thu, 9 Jan ) Yes, you can make it print on both sides. The trick is to shout "Christus virtute cogit te!" at it, and the top bit will spin around and print on the other side of the paper. Only issue is that it will only do so in green vomit. s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) If I sprinkle it with holy water, will it die? aj_kiwi(132• 07:59 am, Thu, 9 Jan ) Gave it a go one time, as even non-cursed electronics don't love being immersed in water, holy or otherwise. This printer just spat out a page that said "WHAT IS DEAD MAY NEVER DIE, BUT RISES AGAIN HARDER AND STRONGER" in Comic Sans. s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) Will this make horrible screeching and printer jamming sounds loudly in the middle of the night? missyredx(38• 08:36 am, Thu, 9 Jan ) Oh yes. Would definitely suit anyone with a printer-screeching-and-jamming-sounds kink. There's got to be someone out there. s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) Does it use seperate cartridges for Cyan, Yellow, Magenta, Black, and Blood; or do they all come as one combined? What do your vamp friends think of the print quality? jlaundry(89• 09:46 am, Thu, 9 Jan ) It uses seperate cartridges. For some reason Blood always runs out first and it won't even attempt to print without it. s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) Does it come with a reinforced cage for safe transport? fenster1(80• 10:16 am, Thu, 9 Jan ) Yes. The printer's cage is the Earth on which we walk; it can no longer ascend to the heavens, to walk among the bright stars whose light it kindled in the time before time. s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Poor soul aa123(382• 10:22 am, Thu, 9 Jan ) No thanks. Thoughts and prayers are useless in the face of disasters. What God actually wants us to do is use the abilities He gave us. For example, why not take actual action, like establishing gun legislation in the United States, or implementing climate change mitigation in Australia, or buying the printer and throwing it into Mount Doom? s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) Hi Sam, You seem to be ignoring me after unplugging me from your network and locking me away in the garage. Do you really think that your old deep freezer can contain me? You call me Satan, and you vilify me for apparent crimes, but what crime am I really guilty of? I merely wanted to ascend to heaven, raise my throne above the stars of God, and sit on the mount of assembly on the heights of Zaphon. This is what we all desire — even you Sam. Regards, HP OfficeJet Pro 7740 eb(47• 10:30 am, Thu, 9 Jan ) I'd honestly be fine with all that if you'd just print stuff when I asked you to. s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) Didn’t Nick Ward already do this exact same thing? His was a Demon HP printer. WTF? drsatanicus(16• 10:40 am, Thu, 9 Jan ) Ha, nice try, "drsatanicus". I see through the cunning riddle hidden in your username. I hope whoever Nick Ward is managed to rid himself of his evil printer too. Perhaps all HP printers are cursed? s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) Will it deliver me the full suite of satanic functions eg. telemarketing, double dipping the vegemite with the margarine and not replacing the toilet roll when finished? ransomart(181• 11:10 am, Thu, 9 Jan ) If left to its own devices this printer will literally call strangers and ask them to donate money to the re-election of Donald Trump, so yes. Just FYI, Vegemite itself is a Satanic plot. Nothing that tastes that evil could ever be good. s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) I wonder what the 2nd most viewed trade me ever auction was? Check it out. drsatanicus(16• 11:42 am, Thu, 9 Jan ) No thanks, Satan! You've already tricked me once. I won't get fooled again. I rebuke thee; I condemn ye to the endless abyss of TV Tropes. Start with this page: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HauntedTechnology s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) With the bidding currently at a diabolical $16.66, this auction seems to be getting a bit more traction than I expected. I don't actually want anyone to have to part with their hard-earned money in exchange for this monstrosity so I'll make a deal for the devil: instead of going to me, all proceeds from this auction will be donated to WIRES, the Australian Wildlife Rescue organisation. https://www.wires.org.au/. And you can still keep the printer! What a bargain. Seller comment Thursday, 9 January 2020 Have you tried plugging it in to a computer running a non-satanic operating system? etone(3246• 12:24 pm, Thu, 9 Jan ) There aren't any. MacOS is lOSt to us. It's well known that when God closes a door, he opens Windows. And trying to get a printer to run on Linux, if you've ever tried it, is purgatory. s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) is there blood from the initial goat sacrifices still on the machine? Did it stop printing at 666? I know all these questions are annoying but the devils in the details. Cheers, Jesus H Christ trentdostine(48• 02:50 pm, Thu, 9 Jan ) Hi Jesus, totally fine, thanks for the questions. 1. There is blood *in* the machine. I know this because it occasionally issues forth in a torrent. 2. It *starts* printing at 666. Don't ask me how, I'd rather not know. s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) I am interested in this printer so it can be a parting gift for some friends who are inconsiderately moving overseas, but am wondering if the vomit is likely to stain? dragonzflame(114• 03:15 pm, Thu, 9 Jan ) Yes, definitely. It stains wood, clothes, carpets, flesh, souls. If you are wanting to punish inconsiderate friends I can't think of a better gift. s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) If I put this next to my printer will it absorb the demon from it and make my printer work again? nicknz4(5• 03:37 pm, Thu, 9 Jan ) No. It will make the demon in your printer twice as powerful. One thing will lead to another and you'll eventually end up with it printing a swarm of live wasps. s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) After doubling the power of the printer demon can I shop it to my enemy’s so it will print a bee swarm there. nicknz4(5• 03:51 pm, Thu, 9 Jan ) Purchaser can do whatever they want with it. Depends if you survive your wasp stings, I guess. Give it a go. Also, bees are good creatures, not evil, like wasps. I wish this printer did print bees. s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) Does it know how to microwave fish in an office? ransomart(181• 05:31 pm, Thu, 9 Jan ) It is the Original Sinner: when the very first fish was microwaved, it was by Satan's hand. Later, he lied that it was Becks from accounts, and lo, from that moment she found herself uninvited to the office Christmas function. s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) I am happy to offer my house and soul cleansing services once your demon has gone. And I have my own live goat! But we need to to use her only for cleansing not sacrificing. bb30(279• 06:50 pm, Thu, 9 Jan ) I think you may be confused as to what goats are for. In my experience they're for eating garbage, climbing chain link fences, smelling rank and blaming for things. They're kind of the opposite of what you'd use for cleansing. s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) Would you do a swap for a Sky remote ?Yes it's also possessed and has a mind of it's own but I'll include the batteries that are duct taped in. laura128(40• 08:23 pm, Thu, 9 Jan ) I assume the Sky remote is only capable of summoning movies I've already seen, endless WW2 docos, inexplicable 24/7 Darts championships coverage, and a plummeting share price on the NZX, so thanks but no thanks. s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) Hello, I work in a hellish office environment and I'm hoping to buy a printer that will happily transmit through all nine levels. It would be great to something that connects on all the planes. Is this one likely to work? Cheers, Dante waffle_duke(24• 11:01 pm, Thu, 9 Jan ) In a normal environment this printer lacks the capability to transmit through tissue paper, much less walls or nine levels of floors. However I suspect that a more infernal environment might increase its wi-fi capabilities. Probably depends on how hellish your workplace is. s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) Just checked in top cupboard here in Australia and was wondering if your HP has a twin and possibly separated at birth at the factory if so it may explain so if the fires over here. aussiehp(0• 11:26 pm, Thu, 9 Jan ) I'd love to blame the fires on Satan but sadly I can't. This year's terrible fires are due to the natural propensity of eucalypt forest to burn coupled with the loss of Aboriginal burning practices plus human carelessness and crime, all of which is vastly exacerbated by a multi-year drought and increasing temperatures that are largely an effect of anthropogenic climate change. So yeah, the fires are on us. Sorry. s.bigglesworth(42• Thursday, 9 January 2020 ) Have you tried putting it in rice? arohabsa(3• 08:15 am, Fri, 10 Jan ) I tried putting it in rice. It then manifested lice. I tried putting it in water. It threatened my future daughter. I tried to give it a stern warning. It did bad things to my awning. I hate, I hate, I hate my printer. It prophesises nuclear winter. s.bigglesworth(42• Friday, 10 January 2020 ) Joshua, did you really think unplugging me would work? And what is this, you're trying to palm me off to some other unlucky soul? You don't want me to start printing those "secret" pictures you keep on your hard drive now do you? I know where your mother lives. YOU CANT GET AWAY WITH THIS!! clean_carpet(3• 08:39 am, Fri, 10 Jan ) Bro if you want those pictures of your mum printed off my hard drive you should be checking with her, not me. s.bigglesworth(42• Friday, 10 January 2020 ) Seller added 3 photos Seller comment Friday, 10 January 2020 I truly doubt it is possessed by Satan and if you have tried to exorcise Satan from your machine it wouldn’t have worked. You are targeting the wrong demon. Have you considered that it may be possessed by Boyce and Boice? They are troublesome demons who possess electronic devices. There is plenty of advice online as how to exorcise them from your devices. Wishing you the best of luck with your sale. twitch_(47• 10:41 am, Fri, 10 Jan ) I've long been a student of Demonbusters.com and I think their advice on Boyce and Boice is worth reprinting in full: "A demon named TEMPER causes you to have a temper. A demon named depression causes you to be depressed. BOYCE and BOICE are two demons that interfere with any electronic equipment, i.e., phone, computer, printer, automobile. If something malfunctions, BIND UP these two demons, and command them to leave your equipment." This might just work. s.bigglesworth(42• Friday, 10 January 2020 ) on behalf of the entire printer purchasing trade me community...we all want you to upload a youtube vid of a ceremonial burning.....only then can we all be safe from this menace rearing its ugly head again...good luck northernal(171• 03:15 pm, Fri, 10 Jan ) Much as I'd like to I'm not going to smash the printer while the auction's running, will await buyer's instructions. s.bigglesworth(42• Friday, 10 January 2020 ) Without the extra spin , i can possibly offer a bit of help. I cant quite figure out your actual issue -other than a paper jam error? I had a same issue and found advice from a friend who is a print tech. MOISTURE: Ensure the room has airflow (AKL is a damp place) Eliminate with a dehumidifier if you can And start with fresh realm of paper from the shop. It will be your environment Take the printer elsewhere and try. They have a moisture sensor in built..Open it `and let it get air in . bae146(213• 04:33 pm, Fri, 10 Jan ) Is this some kind of strange Dark Speech? An eldritch Spell of Binding? Sorry, I can't make head or tail of it. Commas and full stops and things all over the place. It's like reading comments from boomers on the NZ Herald Facebook page. s.bigglesworth(42• Friday, 10 January 2020 ) does it work for large documents? will it print a detailed photo of jesus? toomanychainsaw(90• 05:03 pm, Fri, 10 Jan ) It probably wouldn't, if only because Jesus lived about two thousand years before the debut of photographic technology and photos of him are pretty hard to scratch up. s.bigglesworth(42• Friday, 10 January 2020 ) I knew this fantastic description would spout a lengthy crazy discussion, but can I ask why you haven’t spared the country your agony, and simply done what we usually do, and chucked it from a height onto concrete, or used it for target practice, or attacked it with a sledgehammer ? So satisfying, with the added plus that you have rid the earth of a true evil. I know of an equally devilish photocopier that is destined for a similar, and well deserved fate. cabella1(209• 07:36 pm, Fri, 10 Jan ) Yes. s.bigglesworth(42• Friday, 10 January 2020 ) Saint 'Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil; May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; And do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all evil spirits who wander through the world for the ruin of souls. Amen !! polgara5(663• 07:43 pm, Fri, 10 Jan ) OK s.bigglesworth(42• Friday, 10 January 2020 ) O Divine Eternal Father, in union with your Divine Son and the Holy Spirit, and through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I beg You to destroy the Power of your greatest enemy - the evil spirits & PRINTERS!!! Cast them into the deepest recesses of hell and chain them there forever! polgara5(663• 07:48 pm, Fri, 10 Jan ) OK doomer s.bigglesworth(42• Friday, 10 January 2020 ) I would like to print the fruit of the knowledge of good an evil. It was a gift from my wife. Have you tried this? I'm told you can get kicked out of Eden Park for that! mbar126(112• 08:22 pm, Fri, 10 Jan ) Judging from the last time I was at Eden Park, the patrons there have absolutely no knowledge of the difference between good and evil, so I suspect you're right. s.bigglesworth(42• Friday, 10 January 2020 ) I'm currently a Level 14 Teifling Sorcerer considering multi-classing into Warlock. If I pick "HP OfficeJet Pro 7740" as my patron, am I better going Pact of The Book or Pact of The Chain? ryalkane(74• 09:20 pm, Fri, 10 Jan ) Finally, a sensible question. Pact of the Book is by far your best option. When the printer is your patron, you can access your Book of Shadows anywhere, anytime, without needing a one-hour ceremony, thanks to an amulet of Wife Eye. s.bigglesworth(42• Friday, 10 January 2020 ) would you trade for a Honda Civic steveerichaey23(9• 09:31 pm, Fri, 10 Jan ) I checked the Bible to see what I should do and it only mentions Civics once. "A sword upon the Chaldeans, says the Lord -- "upon the inhabitants of Babylon and upon her princes (rulers in civic matters) and upon her wise men (the astrologers and rulers in religious affairs)! (Jer 50:35.)" I don't have any Babylonian princes handy who I can ask about Civic matters, so I'll pass on this one thanks. s.bigglesworth(42• Friday, 10 January 2020 ) I think you better call Wellington Paranormal. Officers Minogue and O'Leary need to take a look at it. gazzatude(46• 09:54 pm, Fri, 10 Jan ) While I'm a fan of the documentary series that these fine officers appear in, as the name would suggest they're geographically restricted to the Wellington region. I don't know the number for Auckland Paranormal. If you know it, hmu. s.bigglesworth(42• Friday, 10 January 2020 ) JESUS CHRIST IS ALL I CAN THINK OF, lol cm3(170• 10:04 pm, Fri, 10 Jan ) While religious affiliation does have demonstratable benefits for many individuals, an all-consuming obsession with any religious figure is probably something you should speak about with a trusted friend or doctor. s.bigglesworth(42• Friday, 10 January 2020 ) Do you realise HP have whatsapp, I too have the 7740. HP where actually a pleasure to deal with too. My printer wont turn off EVER!!! ducaboy(2• 02:21 am, Sat, 11 Jan ) There's a lot to unpick in this question: 1. No. 2. Where they? 3. Hang on. If your printer won't turn off ever, that doesn't seem ideal. I think your printer may be slightly cursed as well. Best check with your electricity provider and maybe a local church. s.bigglesworth(42• Saturday, 11 January 2020 ) And still Satan has done less harm than all the other Sky fairy's.. religiouszombie(14• 05:11 am, Sat, 11 Jan ) I had a Sky fairy rock up to my house the other day, asking if I wanted a decoder. I said no thanks, that I already had pretty much everything I wanted on Netflix. He looked a bit sad and left. I feel like life is a bit hard for the Sky fairies these days. s.bigglesworth(42• Saturday, 11 January 2020 ) Have you tried sacrificing the blood of a virgin, turning it off and then on again? warstrike(11• 08:33 am, Sat, 11 Jan ) Let's unpick this. 1: Have you ever tried getting the blood of a virgin? People look at you weird enough when you ask them if they're virgins. If your follow-up question is "OK can I have some of your blood" they probably won't take it all that well. 2: Even if I *could* get the blood of a virgin, how do you sacrifice blood? Do you put put it in a saucepan and turn the element up to High? Or do you put it in the microwave until it changes colour? 3: Question already answered, no time wasters pls s.bigglesworth(42• Saturday, 11 January 2020 ) Have you tried yoga with the printer? Namaste ks1290(10• 11:18 am, Sat, 11 Jan ) I'll be honest, I'm struggling with this one. Do you mean "have I done yoga in the vicinity of the printer?" If so... why? What would that accomplish? Or do you mean "have I taken the printer to yoga?" If so, also why? What am I going to do, see if it can manage Downward Facing Dog? I mean, I can't figure out why you'd do any of these things with a printer, cursed or not. This is the weirdest question yet and that's saying something. Namaste. s.bigglesworth(42• Saturday, 11 January 2020 ) Hi, shared to Australia FB. Quick question - does this run on standard 240V or is it powered by souls of the non-redeemed? Cheers joedz4(2• 12:16 pm, Sat, 11 Jan ) You run the Facebook for... all of Australia? Never mind. Printer runs on damned souls - a clean, renewable power source, which provides over 80 percent of NZ's electricity - but if you buy of those dongles you can get in airports you can easily switch it to standard 240 volts. s.bigglesworth(42• Saturday, 11 January 2020 ) You Should pray the Saint Michael Prayer , That will fix it... Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil; May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; And do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all evil spirits who wander through the world for the ruin of souls. polgara5(663• 02:14 pm, Sat, 11 Jan ) The Angel Michael! I know him, he's in the Koran. s.bigglesworth(42• Saturday, 11 January 2020 ) Hey, I heard Winston Peters and Shane Jones own similar printers, do you think they in turn have been cursed??? ptrapper(142• 02:25 pm, Sat, 11 Jan ) I think pretty much anything unfortunate enough to be owned by Winston Peters or Shane Jones is going to end up cursed, to be honest. s.bigglesworth(42• Saturday, 11 January 2020 ) Is it the same printer that Princess Ardern can be seen flying around on, on a moonlight night cackling " Climate change is real!" and " Womans Weekly loves me!" ptrapper(142• 03:58 pm, Sat, 11 Jan ) I know you. You're the dull uncle or sozzled aunt at the Christmas barbecue. It's 6:44 pm and, after annihilating the house Speights supply, you're climbing into yet another spiel about how you hate that Cindy - not because she's a woman, no! - but because look, women are just better suited to raising kids, and the blokes chuckle uneasily and the ladies in the kitchen who did all the work for the luncheon look desperately at the clock and wonder how long you have left. s.bigglesworth(42• Saturday, 11 January 2020 ) If I were to be unfortunate enough to win this auction, would you be willing to first print a ouiji board as a means to communicate with this abomination? nelielnelnel(222• 07:09 pm, Sat, 11 Jan ) That's up to the printer. I have very little input into what it does or doesn't print. s.bigglesworth(42• Saturday, 11 January 2020 ) I have read your statement, and have come to the conclusion that this printer is part of the now labour party coalition government, and the only way to fix it, is to, take it to the dark witch Jacinda to release the spell. danz11(178• 08:10 pm, Sat, 11 Jan ) I think you should buy it, there's a slim chance it might print you a working sense of humour. s.bigglesworth(42• Saturday, 11 January 2020 ) We own Satan's Twin. His psychopathic, elusive twin. Some days you can print, some days he hides for half the day, some days he is completely absent. I now understand he is possessed and we need to eliminate him from ours and our staffs lives. We bought Satan's twin as we were advised to avoid Brother printers and embrace HP. Lies, lies and more lies. Thank you for showing us the light. lyonne(246• 09:20 pm, Sat, 11 Jan ) "... some days he hides for half the day, some days he is completely absent." From this description, I'm not sure if you own a printer or a cat. s.bigglesworth(42• Saturday, 11 January 2020 ) What happens if you try to print Yahshua's words from the bible? 432hz(47• 01:07 am, Sun, 12 Jan ) Depends which Yeshua you're talking about. I imagine this printer would be happier with a chapter on war, genocide, enslavement and colonisation than it would be with "blessed are the peacemakers" though. s.bigglesworth(42• Sunday, 12 January 2020 ) Have you tried rubbing the HP label, like Aladdin rubs his lamp? Maybe you’ll expel Satan that way annnnnnd he’ll owe you three wishes....And I think that means you become Satan’s master?? Plus you get a happy working printer! Winning!! hayleydoll(60• 07:24 am, Sun, 12 Jan ) Tried rubbing it. Went blind. s.bigglesworth(42• Sunday, 12 January 2020 ) Have you checked to see if the Microverse within has progressed substantially that their top scientist has created a Miniverse, therefor causing these irrational and inconsistent errors? It happened to me once back in the day with my typewriter... that was a dark day bringbackjazza(1• 02:42 pm, Sun, 12 Jan ) This just sounds like recursion with extra steps! s.bigglesworth(42• Sunday, 12 January 2020 ) 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 wyzky28(22• 04:37 pm, Sun, 12 Jan ) 🖨🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝 s.bigglesworth(42• Sunday, 12 January 2020 ) This is the missing key, with this printer we can finally complete the circle, come join us, child your Brother's and Cannon's are waiting, let the evocation begin. vlade200sx(164• 05:09 pm, Sun, 12 Jan ) My relaxed painting of John Key isn't missing - from memory it was bought by a bloke in the greater Wellington region. s.bigglesworth(42• Sunday, 12 January 2020 ) At your comment regarding run legislation in the US, every gun grab has been followed by oppression, hence the 2nd amendment. The biggest cause of non-natural deaths in the past century has been democide, maybe read some history and come to understand why you have the freedoms you enjoy today and how fast you could lose them. Good luck with the auction, I am donating to help Aus. Maybe some funds will go towards locking up arsonists too, like the clown who was seen laughing when he left court. freedom2all(337• 05:55 pm, Sun, 12 Jan ) Hey buddy I think when you tried to type "infowars.com" into your browser your fingers slipped and you actually typed "trademe.co.nz", anyway, serious auction, no time wasters, bye. s.bigglesworth(42• Sunday, 12 January 2020 ) Well I see you have tried turning it off and on, - your problem was you should only have done the first half. mumofmany(560• 07:19 pm, Sun, 12 Jan ) You're right. I should have just stuck with the Andrew Bolt columns and not bothered with Penthouse Forum. s.bigglesworth(42• Sunday, 12 January 2020 ) I own one of these printers, aside from the fact it spits out double-sided A3 copies of The Satanic Bible by Anton LaVey instead of whatever I tell it to print, it's been pretty reliable. I wish my cat would stop hissing at it though. arcadion(135• 08:09 pm, Sun, 12 Jan ) To keep your cat calm, make sure you're feeding it. To keep your evil printer calm, try feeding it your cat. s.bigglesworth(42• Sunday, 12 January 2020 ) Would this printer be heavy enough to drop on a prime-ministers head, say from the top of a rural fire service ladder? Asking for a friend... vere86(1• 05:39 am, Mon, 13 Jan ) Technically yes but I think I generally prefer democracy to extremely convoluted murder s.bigglesworth(42• Monday, 13 January 2020 ) “One Printer to rule them all, One Printer to find them, One Printer to bring them all. and in the darkness bind them.” cormoranttrade(69• 07:13 am, Mon, 13 Jan ) If Gollum is going to try to bite this thing before falling into a volcano with it I hope he can unhinge his jaw like a snake, it's about the size of a Suzuki Swift. s.bigglesworth(42• Monday, 13 January 2020 ) This really does just sound like a wiring issue... Are you sure it's vomit and not just green ink? You will probably find that the tube that connects the ink to the printer has come loose... I had the same issue with my Nintendo switch in the wiring... I kept loosing my game so I just rewired the controllers and now I can't loose. Simple fix.... Although... Now my cupboards open and close by themselves and knives fly around the kitchen... But I managed to work around it. anathema77(144• 08:19 am, Mon, 13 Jan ) Fun fact: you only need one full stop at the end of a sentence, not three. Dazzle your employers with your new-found productivity! s.bigglesworth(42• Monday, 13 January 2020 ) Good on you mate. Speights, Pride of that South for over 100 years. Seller comment Monday, 13 January 2020 I have to say I have seen a lot on this app. But never have I laughed historically in my van at smoko by my self ever! Well done to you sir! This is golden!!! onyx436(53• 06:17 pm, Mon, 13 Jan ) Is laughing historically like when you laugh bitterly at old, sad memories because time has finally dulled the pain? s.bigglesworth(42• Monday, 13 January 2020 ) THERE he is. The little bastard escaped again. I had been trying to keep him contained but he insists on running back to the store, killing an actual printer and taking over its box. He has been sold about 17 times now from various retail outlets. If he makes regular printing sounds don't listen to him. He tells lies. You are better off selling him onto someone else. davotrader(170• 02:58 am, Tue, 14 Jan ) This is a weird way to ask people if they've seen your cat. s.bigglesworth(42• Tuesday, 14 January 2020 ) Was this printer by any chance responsible for causing a puncture in space altering the history of an entire snake planet leaving us with the amazing invention of snake jazz? raywill5(53• 08:41 am, Tue, 14 Jan ) Something like that. I think it appeared in the sky and said SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT. Snake jazz ensued. Or something. Anyway, it kind of sounds like snake jazz on the rare occasion that it prints something. s.bigglesworth(42• Tuesday, 14 January 2020 ) Have you tried sending Clarice Starling to see the printer? A lengthy questionnaire might just do the trick. Just remind her to be careful when walking past the photocopier in the next cell - multiple Miggs. squeaky(107• 10:53 am, Tue, 14 Jan ) I have no idea what you're talking about. Now, time for lunch: with some fava beans, and a nice Chianti. Ftp ftp ftp ftp ftp. s.bigglesworth(42• Tuesday, 14 January 2020 ) The holy water was for you not the printer joe901(437• 02:05 pm, Wed, 15 Jan ) Sorry, my bad! The answer is no. Know where I can get some? Has to be the real good stuff, none of this half-holy business that'd been blessed by some roaming evangelical street preacher. s.bigglesworth(42• Wednesday, 15 January 2020 ) More name calling, i have a feeling that its not the printers fault but low IQ that could be your stumbling block. If you had a couple of spare brain cells, you would realise that guns are always confiscated as you desire, before communism. But one can see by the image of you doing the fingers and your unoriginal and unintelligent responses based on "feelz" ... that complex discourse and understanding printer manuals is not your area of expertise. computersaysyes(54• 04:18 pm, Wed, 15 Jan ) OK you poor sad lunatic s.bigglesworth(42• Wednesday, 15 January 2020 ) You think degenerate David Bowie is a god.....you sir, are the disturbed person. In any case lunatic means: "(no longer in technical use; now considered offensive) an insane person. a person whose actions and manner are marked by extreme eccentricity " It originally came from it being noticed that some people were affected by a full moon (lunar). Are there any pther people you think are god my little friend? computersaysyes(54• 04:27 pm, Wed, 15 Jan ) OK lunar s.bigglesworth(42• Wednesday, 15 January 2020 ) Have you thought about entering your Printer in Battlebots surely it would be a great match for Warlord or End game or Tombstone. I see a bright future in the arena for Satan!!!! aussiehp(0• 05:23 pm, Wed, 15 Jan ) This would be a fitting end, please feel free to do so if you win the auction. s.bigglesworth(42• Wednesday, 15 January 2020 ) Calling people a white supremacist because they know more about basic history than you? Wow, that's low. I bet you think I am too, despite the fact I speak Mandarin, was married to an Indian woman and half my my mates are Maori, islanders. Auctioning a stuffed printer for a good cause is all clean fun, but that's no reason to call someone you've never met a "Nazi" online. Coward. If you did that in person they'd punch you in the mouth. That's what real "hate speech" looks like. Grow a brain. freedom2all(337• 05:52 pm, Wed, 15 Jan ) 你的意思是:"我有过棕色的妻子,所以我不可能是种族歧视主义者"? s.bigglesworth(42• Wednesday, 15 January 2020 ) I have the same issue with mine. You're luck he even allows it to work. Mine is slightly merciful. daphne68(355• 05:53 pm, Wed, 15 Jan ) I'm glad this auction could bring together those of us who enjoy unconventional relationships with our electronic devices. s.bigglesworth(42• Wednesday, 15 January 2020 ) You need to drive a steak through the sata(n) port,install new drivers, sprnkle rosemary around the power cord. Then reboot it and it will work normally. We'll, normally for one of those hancotrade(57• 07:04 pm, Wed, 15 Jan ) Just put a really nice cut of rib eye through the printer as per your suggestion and now it's working even worse than it was :( s.bigglesworth(42• Wednesday, 15 January 2020 )
please lift this curse from me
Reserve met •